It's a Marshmallow World in the Winter...

This past week in Germany has probably been the hardest time I’ve had since I’ve been here. Nothing in particular happened, it was more of an emotional and physical tiredness that I couldn’t shake. It affected my responses to friendships, my relationship with God, and myself. I’ve also probably been the most reflective that I’ve been since I’ve been here. I’ve been thinking about where my life has gone up to this point, why, what could have been, what it actually is, where it could go, and where it seems to go. Incase you hadn’t picked up on the fact that I am a thinker, well, I am.

October was Halloween, November was Thanksgiving, December is my birthday, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve, and January will bring a lot of work to finish out my classes, a trip to Amsterdam with my friends, especially a good one that will be leaving in February, and then closing out the first semester on February 13. There is so much going on to the point where I forget to breathe at times. It’s incredible how much free time I have outside of school, but how exhausted I always feel. Each night that I’ve gone to bed I’ll sleep a minimum of 10 hours when I can. And when I have to get up earlier, I usually come home and pass out for 3 hours or so. I am tired. And I’m missing home. I miss my Mom and my stepdad, I miss David, I miss my friends in Clemson, I miss Missy…I miss the little things like going to Clemson games, watching football games on TV, tailgating with my family and friends, Thanksgiving break, Christmas Break and feeling like I’ve imploded my brain from finals week (well, maybe not that part as much). The point I’m trying to make is that I miss the little things in my life that I’ve grown so accustomed to, that I hardly appreciate them anymore. And the longer I go without the little things, the harder it gets to be here and keep my heart here instead of letting it drift toward the desire of going home.

Last night my friend Heather and I were extremely exhausted and trying to get laundry done before heading out with Becca, David, and Sara to go get dinner and ice skate. I was really excited to go, but after trying to get laundry started for two hours, my patience was worn thin. Heather and I didn’t want to throw finished clothes out of the washer, so we waited to see if the people would come back. Then a German girl with her boyfriend comes in, sees us, takes out the clothes, throws them onto one of the machines, and starts doing her laundry. This may not seem like a big deal, but it was super discouraging to us because we were trying to wait and be patient, and she disregarded us being there. Not all Germans are discouraging, but the personalities of a lot make you feel really lonely sometimes. I feel like it’s even harder to make friendships with them when you’re not into partying and drinking as much. If it weren’t for church, I don’t think I would really have any other than a couple. And that’s kind of hard to grasp after having been here for 3 months.

I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships recently as well. Becca and I have been having some really interesting conversations discussing philosophy, God, Germany vs. America, and relationships. I’ve been thinking a lot about the change in mindset I’ve had about relationships and dating relationships since I’ve been here and just in general for the past year or so.

1)      I don’t think a relationship is about having to sacrifice something you want to be with the other person. I think it should always come down to some form of compromise.

2)      I don’t agree with people trying to make relationships work that don’t have the same ideals, morals, and belief systems. It seems like the relationship is destined to fall apart at some point.

3)      I hate how watered down dating relationships are. And I don’t like the “Prince Charming” influence our society puts on us. Not every man can be such a perfect ideal guy. And if he was, how could you ever grow together as a couple? You’d be the only one having to “grow”; eventually making yourself feel like you could never measure up. Or worse, making you feel more dependent on him than ever.

4)      It’s interesting to me how women will never find men who are viewed as “weaker” than them attractive. What defines someone as being weak? As strong? Is it something we come up with individually on our own or something we’ve been taught to think?

5)      I think you should be with someone who you can tell everything to, in the sense that when you do something stupid that might actually hurt them, that you can tell him regardless. I’ve noticed that when people make decisions here that aren’t the most respectful to the people they’re dating they won’t say anything because they don’t see the point in them getting worked up because it’s “not a big deal”. But I don’t want to be with someone who I would be scared to tell. I don’t want to have a relationship anymore where everything I do could possibly make them angry and want to break up with me. I’ve already done that and it sucks.

There’s a lot more that I’ve thought about, but those are just a few things. And here are some more things that I’ve picked up on recently that is different from back home.

1)      You have to ask for salted popcorn here when going to the movies. Otherwise you will be receiving kettlecorn sweet tasting popcorn.

2)      Whenever you go to a theather/ballet/whatever type of performance, the applause literally lasts forEVER. Like 5 minutes of clapping minimum.

3)      PDA is huge here. It’s not uncommon for people to be making out on the U-Bahn or just wherever they feel like it. No one really cares.

4)      American credit cards NEVER work here. You always have to withdraw money from the Geldautomats and it’s so frustrating sometimes because you always have to have money dabei.

5)      People are extremely judgmental about fashion here. I’ve have never been so stressed out in picking out outfits every day when doing out. Unless you are a guy, do not wear sweatshirts, do not wear sweatpants ever, and a T-shirt for a girl is pushing it. One time I wore my bright orange Clemson sweater and people actually pointed at me. I couldn’t believe how embarrassed I was over something that’s so chill back home.

6)      American Cheesecake and German Cheesecake are 100% different!! American Cheesecake is creamy, while German cheesecake has more of a cottage cheese texture that I don’t personally care for.

7)     The McDonald’s here actually has a real café for their McCafe. It’s not just a menu. They have a bakery with cake, cookies, coffees, and so much more. It’s incredible and so much better.

As I’m finishing this blog up, it’s actually my birthday today, which is so weird. I’ve never not celebrated my birthday at home. And I’m officially 21. But it doesn’t matter here! I don’t know what I’m doing today, but I’m sure it will be good regardless.

Here’s some pictures from recent adventures.

 After ice skating, we were waiting in the Muenchner Freiheit U-Bahn and took a fun mirror picture.

 Hermannsdorfer..or something like that. They make their own everything, especially cheese, bread, meat, and herbs. Really cool place. Really cold time of year to go.

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 Becca, me, and Heather at Tollwood with our friend, David.

 I think this is called Feuerzangenbowle. Basically it's sweetened  red wine that is set on fire. It's a very popular Christmas (Weihnachten) drink alone with Glühwein.

Really cute area dressed up with lights for Christmas.

With Becca, Heather, Sara, and David at ice skating at Olympiazentrum.

Weihnachtsbaum at Marienplatz. Every year a different country donates an unbelievably gigantic tree that will be decorated and displayed in the center of Marienplatz in front of the Rathaus, the most well known area of Munich. I think this one says it's from Tirol this year. The waiting list to donate a tree is longer than 2 years.

Caroline, Jess, Heather, Steven, Genny, and Amy at dinner in Augsburg before the theater play.

@ Schwabinger 7. HP and JK :) A night out. It's cool, it wasn't illegal or anything.

My newly decorated birthday room thanks to the lovely birthday package from Mama and John.There is also balloons on the floor that you can't see.

Rathaus with the Weihnachtsmärkte. It's gorgeous and there's so many stands of things to look at and buy. Also they have out the gebrannte Mandeln (burned almonds covered in sugar--SO GOOD), chocolate covered fruit, Glühwein, Feuerzangenbowle, classic Bavarian food, American food, and everything else you can possibly think of. I love it. I love Munich.