Wow, this is frustrating.

So Google definitely decided to lock me out of my blog account for like the past month. I suppose I could have kept up with my blog through Microsoft Word...but I was kind of thinking I would never see my blog again. Here is what I've written so far since my last post:
 

"Like I said in the last post, this blogging thing isn’t really my thing. But nonetheless, I will do my best to try to write out things that have gone on in the last few weeks since I’ve last written.

It’s really hard to compress the last few weeks because it feels like I’ve been here for so long already. I love the city, and the culture, the way of life, Germans, my program, the people in my program, and I’m extremely grateful for all of the things I get to see and do here. It’s really hard sometimes to be so far away from home because there are some relationships that part of me doesn’t even know really how to function without sometimes. I guess that’s the beauty of it, ya know? You think you can keep going and going because you know certain people will always be there for you…but what if you do study abroad? What if you travel to a different part of the world for a year where no one knows you? Could you do it? Would you be as confident in who you are there as you are back home with your friends and family? Or would you try to blend in and go with wherever the people and city take you? Would you continue the personality and beliefs and morals of who you’ve become up to this point in your life and would you bring them here with enough of an open-mind to have them challenged, or possibly changed for life?

I know most blogs go into a ton of details about the city, traveling, pictures, events, etc. However, I don’t really feel like that’s what most blogs should be about. The biggest part of your journey is how it affects you, changes you, encourages you, challenges you, and how it contributes to the events in your life that are designed to help you become who you were meant to be. That’s what this adventure is for me. And although I love the fact that you can pick up and travel in the blink of an eye, that there’s always something to do, and that there are so many new things to learn and experience, I don’t want to ever get to a point where I become numb to who I am, what I’m learning, and how it’s changing me.

Since I’ve come to Germany, I’ve really been challenged to learn how to become more humble. I came here with not the greatest amount of knowledge in the language, and expected to just pick it up for the most part after a month or so, because that’s what I had heard from other people. However, that was not the case at all. I was put to live with two different families in my amazing church and most of the time spoke English with them because I felt like such a burden or complication due to the fact that when they would speak to me in German, I had to tell them I didn’t understand. I could see the frustration and confusion developing. The emotional barrier that is created when you can’t effectively communicate with someone is something I have never in my life experienced. I hated the way it made me feel, and still do at times. Now, I’ve learned to push through it a lot more and not shut down, or get mad, or convince myself that they are just mean. For so long I felt like I had to justify myself to everyone and would say or think to myself… “I am smart, I haven’t had that much German, if this were in English I’d totally understand everything, well my German is better than your English…” and the list goes on. Sometimes I would just sit alone and be upset because I felt like no one could understand me. And when I would try to make a joke sometimes with different people…oh my gosh how that would completely fail. Germans can be sarcastic at times, but I feel like the sarcasm we have in America is gaaaaanz anders. A lot of times I think I would come off as mean and instead of having the chance to explain myself (because a lot of times I wouldn’t even know how to apologize or explain where I was going with that in German) I would just want to run as far away as possible. Being somewhere where no one knows how you work, or why you overreact over something that seems small to them, or not even having people to regularly check up on you is extremely hard.

My faith has been stretched to the max here. The church here and the personalities are very different, and for a long time it felt like the harder I tried, the worse it got. Sometimes it would even get to a point where I would try to avoid everything because it was easier. But that’s not who I am, and so I’ve tried to get pushing through the desire to run from what makes me uncomfortable. And God has really taught me about the importance of learning about every part of His Kingdom, not just the ones that make you feel great, or needed, or completely at peace all the time. That’s one thing I’ve especially learned while I’m here…my emotions are insane at times. I always want to follow through and make decisions based on how I’m feeling in the moment, and that’s actually a very unwise way to approach things. I’ve had to create kind of an emotional filter, and had to learn the word for advice in German (it’s der Rat, by the way). Part of me keeps wanting the end of the year to get here, while the other part of me doesn’t think I could leave.

I lost my H&M bag (which was not cheap) about three weeks ago in the U-Bahn. I love the transportation system here, even though it’s one of the most expensive in all of Germany, but that feeling you get in your stomach after the doors close and the train begins to move and you’ve realized your stuff is still on that U-Bahn…that’s a sick feeling. I freaked out and ran to the information desk and was so stressed I could even remember what the verb was for ‘to lose.’ (it’s verlieren). I asked the man in German if he could speak with me in English and he said no. He had to go find someone to talk with me, which ended up being a 2 hour wait just to be told to call Hauptbahnhof (the great big main train station that travels out to other parts of Europe) and see if anyone turned it in. I felt so dumb, and mad at myself. I’ve always been very easily distracted and I’m very well known for losing everything. A week later after the H&M bag, I lost my German cell phone on the U-Bahn. But thankfully one of my German friends, David, called it for me and the lady told us where we could come to get it and then we hung out at Marienplatz and got ice cream. The first week of classes I lost my Kalendar (planner) at one of the LMU buildings. Three days ago, I lost my Ausweis, Monatskarte, and LMU student card. The Ausweis is your information card (especially when you’re a foreigner), the Monatskarte is the pass you buy at the beginning of the month to ride the U-Bahn, and the LMU card is like my Tiger Stripe at Clemson with my matriculation number.

I was in serious distress. I couldn’t even pray because I was so frustrated and mad at myself that I was convinced God would think I was just as dumb and too irritated to deal with this kind of problem I’ve had all my life. I started riding my bike everywhere because I wasn’t going to pay 40 more Euros for another Monatskarte and found that I genuinely love riding my bike better than riding the U-Bahn. It’s a little chilly, but it’s good exercise, I get some peace in the morning, and my prayer times are a lot better when I have that 30 minutes to ride somewhere. Part of me was kind of glad I lost my Monatskarte because riding my bike challenges me to be disciplined and get up earlier to get where I’m going on time, I have to plan out the night before where I’m going so that I don’t get lost (which is also what I’m known for), and I have to be super strict in the morning about getting ready because I can’t afford to lose any extra time. Plus it’s just beautiful to ride on the bike paths here, see the Fall leaves falling, the cute buildings, German families, little German children riding their bikes with their parents, smelling the bakeries as you ride by them, seeing the sun come out from behind the gray clouds that are here every morning....I would never be able to do something like that in Greenville or Clemson.

My hostbrother Erik came and hung out with me yesterday, and when I checked my mailbox, someone had actually mailed my Ausweis, LMU card, and Monatskarte to me! I was so excited I screamed. I couldn’t believe someone would actually do that. I had kind of lost all faith in the German society after no one turned in my H&M bag, but when I got that stuff back I was so excited."

That's all I had written. This past week in Munich has been such a wonderful experience. Dorian came and hung out with me on Monday, and Heather came over, and we all made dinner together. Dorian has been amazingly encouraging this week. He has switched to German with me and I feel like he's one of the few who actually get why it's really important for me to practice my German. Hanging out all together on Monday was really fun, and they dinner we made wasn't even that bad. Dorian was a perfectionist with rice and I took care of the meet and vegetables. Heather talked in German. It was nice, and chill. 

We've been studying the Bible with a girl named Jamilia, who's 20 and German, for the past month or so and I have absolutely loved it. She has a wonderful personality and I love hearing her heart to learn about God and life in general. We've had three studies with her and will have another next week. She even prayed to God this week which was huge for her :) Because she was brave enough to pray I decided to pray to God for the first time since I've been here and German. It was SO WEIRD. I felt like I was babbling instead of speaking in German. But it was so cool because when I was done everyone was super excited for me too.

I had a Referat this week in my German Literatur Klasse on Das Lyrik and I actually did really good! I got a huge boast of confidence in my German this past week and it felt like everything was so much more comfortable and encouraging and the mistakes just didn't matter. I feel like I've lost some of that since this week, but hopefully it's just because I haven't practiced for a couple of days since my Referat. 

Today was seriously one of my most favorite days since I've been to Munich. Becca, Sara, Louis, Steven and I traveled with the Bahn to Garmisch-Partenkirchen. Here is the website:

http://www.partnachklamm.eu/

It's in German but of course you can find translations. We visited a Gorge today, and it wasn't super touristy, and only about 1.5-2 hours away. The hike to the Gorge was really easy and quick, but after we went through everything we decided to hike to the nearest city, Klaus (I think). We ended up hiking 8.7 miles today! It took a few hours, but it was the most incredibly fun experience. I forgot my camera, but here are some great pictures of the Gorge that I found online:

This is just a picture of what it looks like when the water freezes over. It looks amazing.

It was amazing. My friend took some pictures and I'll post some of hers later when she puts them up. There was also this 4 star hotel-wellness place called 'Das Kranzbach' and it looked heavenly. Here are some pictures I found online of it:

And this is the place we watched people in white bathrobes and slippers hang around. We were so jealous.

It's gorgeous. And the Alps are right behind it. Definitely would not mind going back in the future as a customer. PS if this was a 4 star, then WHAT is their definition of a 5 star???

I have my first test coming up this week and a couple of papers, but hopefully it won't be bad. JYM is letting us take over the building for Thanksgiving, so we've organized a planning committee to do decorations, make pies, make the main dishes, desserts, and set up for Macy's Day Parade and Peanuts Thanksgiving. I'm so excited and so grateful that JYM respects American holidays.

Until next time!